Pretend Dates (Kurloz x Reader)

(A/N) This has cursing, but it's Homestuck.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!
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"Hey 'Loz!" You cheerily greet Kurloz as you open your front door.  

He signs a quick 'Hello', and then a 'Can I come in?'

"Oh, sure!" You step back and let him walk past you into your hive.  While his back is turned, you take the opportunity to admire his tall, lean build.  You forced your eyes away, and shut the door.  

"So, Kurloz, what brings you here?"

He turns to you and smiles... well, as best he can.  'I just wanted to see how my motherfuckin' sis was today (y/n)' he signs.  

You smile.  "I'm alright. Hey, 'Loz, I have something to tell you!"  He raises an eyebrow.    "I have a date tonight!"  

He seems shocked at first, and for a second you see traces of sadness in his eyes.  However, he quickly resumes his smile and signs, 'That's great sis.  What motherfucker has asked your miraculous self on a date tonight?'

Your heart sinks a bit, but you keep up your smile.  "Oh, it's Cronus! He confessed his red feelings a while ago, and I realized that I'm flushed for him, too!"

'Cronus? I never thought you would go for a guy like him... but if that's what will make you happy, then I'm happy for you too, sis.'  He rubs the back of his neck.  'Um, sis I gotta go. Good luck on your motherfuckin' date.'

You lead him to the door and wave.  Shutting the door, your put your back to it and slide down to the floor.  You put your head in your hands.  

~~~~~~~FLASHBACK BROUGHT TO YOU BY KANAYA CHASING ERIDAN WITH A CHAINSAW~~~~~~~

"Vwhat's vwrong, kitten?" Cronus sits next to you on a park bench.

"Oh, hey Cronus.  I'm just depressed I guess..." you sigh and prop your head up with your hand.

"Vwhy don't you tell me vwhat's botherin' you, doll?"

You sighed again, then decided you might as well confess to Cronus.  You two were pretty close, but were completely pale for each other, despite his flirtatious ways.

"I have the hugest flush-crush on Kurloz, but I know that it would never work out."

"Novw, I'm sure that's not true. Vwhy don't I help you out?"

"And how would you do that?" You turn towards him, your (e/c) eyes beginning to fill with tears.

"Let's pretend that you'wve got a date tonight, and see hovw he reacts!"

"Yeah, and who would go on a pretend date with me?"

"Hovw about me, doll?"

You think for a minute.  "Yeah, this might work..." you smile. "Thank you Cronus!" He steadies himself as you tackle-hug him.

"No problem, kitten."

~~~~~~~A STILL SCREAMING AND RUNNING ERIDAN ENDS THE FLASHBACK!!!~~~~~~~

Your plan was now in the toilet.  You text Cronus that it didn't work, and get off the ground.  You walk to your bedroom, flop on the bed, and begin to cry into a pillow.  Your phone buzzes.  You ignore it.  It buzzes again, and again, and so many times that you eventually just throw it across the room.  You REALLY don't feel like talking right now.

Suddenly, you hear a crash in your house.  You sit up, and cautiously peek out your bedroom door, only to be tackled in a hug by a frantic-looking Kurloz.

"K-Kurloz, what are you doing?!" You pry him off of you and try to hide the fact that you have been crying.

He begins signing at a lightning speed, and you struggle keeping up.

'(y/n), I'm so sorry, but I can't let you go on that date.  It kills me to think that you are red for anyone else.  I know that this might wreck our friendship, and ruin your date, but I can't see you with Cronus! I know he makes you happy, but I'm just so flushed for you..." he trails off and drops his hands.  You are in shock, but he registers this as rejection.

'I'm sorry.  I'll just go...' he starts to turn away, and this restarts your system.  You pull him towards you in a hug.  He is startled at first, but quickly hugs back.

"I love you too!" You exclaim.  You pull back to look at him, tears of joy in your eyes.  "Cronus was just trying to help me get together with you but I thought it backfired but now I just-"

He stops your babbling with a kiss, gentle and sweet.  He kisses you again, and you put your arms around his neck, pouring all of your emotion into that simple act.

He breaks the kiss, and you look up at him, confused.  He holds up his hand and signs 'Hang on, there is something I have to do.'

You watch him go into the living room, rummage through a drawer and pick up a pair of sewing scissors.  Your eyes widen as he lifts them to his mouth and slowly begins to cut the threads that tie his lips together.  He finishes, and goes to the bathroom to clean himself up.  

He comes back out and signs, 'I'm still not able to talk, but at least I can motherfuckin' kiss you properly.'

He pulls you to him, and a passionate kiss ensues.  Finally, you both break away for air, and he signs, 'Be my matesprit?'

You smile, and say, "Of course I will."  You squeal as he picks you up and spins you around.  He lets you back down, but keeps his arms around you.  He rests his forehead on yours, and a purple glow envelops both of you.

His deep voice echoes in your mind.  "I am so, so flushed for you (y/n)."